*** To be read aloud ***
(regardless of present location or company)
Today will be a great day.
I will not greet this day. This day will greet me.
I am going to kick ass, take names, and accept no IOUs. I will snap on my underpants like Superman strapping into spandex. Today my coffee will get a jolt out of me. All stoplights will turn green on my approach.
The sun will bask in my glow and rain will avoid me out of respect. Birds will chirp in hushed acquiescence as flowers turn as I pass just to catch another whiff.
My aura will emanate like a blast furnace.
Strangers’ postures will involuntarily straighten as I grow near. When I barge into a room people will feel the song I’m dancing to. My handshake will act as a defibrillator for all who dare take a grip.
People will feel my presence long before I arrive (even if I decide not to go).
Children will wonder what just happened. Teenagers will create slang in my honor. Adults will weep with inspiration. Poets will invent new words. Singers will hit new notes. Painters will see new colors.
I will walk the earth as a muse to all.
My enemies will gird their loins before realizing I have no enemies. Friends across the globe will simultaneously feel a tingle in their nethers with the quiet and disquieting understanding that somehow it was me.
And they will smile.
I will use the word “nethers” more often (not to mention “loins”). I will etch my name upon the sky so that all who look up will say, "what in the hell is that?"
I am a force magnificent!
Yes, today will be a great day!