Let's Smash Our Hearts Together

It is the holiday season. Also known as “Hugging Season”.

It is Thanksgiving, which ranks as THE greatest holiday of all time. Why? Because it is a day designed to gather with our family and/or friends, have a gluttonous feast, and talk about what we are grateful for. This inevitably leads to someone stating that they are thankful for the people who are currently gathered - and everyone raises a toast to that.

We get to tell our loved ones that we are grateful for them. TO THEIR FACES!

We have a holiday for that! Screw the food. We get to tell the people we love that we are thankful for their existence. Greatest. Holiday. Ever.

It is also the start of the holiday season, which means we’ll be hugging a lot of people. This seems like a really good time to introduce The Ultra-Hug.

THE ULTRA-HUG

I am a hugger. I like giving hugs. I like getting hugs. I am also a good hugger (or so I have been told). People who know me, seek out my hugs. I take this as a source of pride. If you ever need a hug, for whatever reason, I’m your guy.

I also like to figure stuff out. Much like happiness, I have tried to quantify what makes a good hug. In doing so I stumbled upon, what hath now been dubbed, “The Ultra-Hug”. This isn’t your average hug. This is a doozy.

You are going to want to be rather judicious in doling this bad boy out. You may not want to use it on your opinionated uncle, or overly self-righteous aunt, but you can pull it out for your favorite cousin you haven’t seen since last year. And, of course, you can use it on your friends. Which ones? That’s a judgment call only you can make. You’ll understand in a moment.

Before I get to the instructions, I need to dole out some credit. The Ultra-Hug is an amalgam of pieces I’ve mushed together from various sources. They deserve their due.

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

ZACH: Zach is a good friend of mine who, like me, gives excellent hugs. So, when we hug, I get to not only scrutinize how to give a good hug, but also analyze how to get a good hug. Invaluable information is gleaned (trust me).

DANIELLE: Danielle is a good friend who read somewhere that a good hug needs to last at least 20 seconds because that’s how long it takes for the oxytocin, endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin (the feel-good hormones) to start flowing. We would legit start a timer sometimes.

BETHANY: Bethany is another good friend (Yes, I have a lot of friends). She is a Thai Masseuse where she uses your breath to get deeper into the muscle tissue.

THE PANDEMIC: The pandemic (not a friend) taught me the importance of human connection and how once you don’t have it, how valuable it is when you do have it.

Alright, enough dilly-dallying. Let’s get to it.

INSTRUCTIONS

1) CONSENT

Like I said: this hug is not for the faint of heart. You can’t just go springing it on someone without fair warning. Let them know what you intend to do before you do it. This will benefit you as well: you want them to hug back and not struggle to break free.

2) EMBRACE

This is no time for T-Rex arms (keeping your elbows at your sides and trying to hug with your wrists - BLECH!) This is a full-arm operation. You’re going to want to do this crisscross: right arm of hugger over left shoulder of huggee, and vice versa. Get your arms all the way around. Use all of your arms and hold tight.

3) BREATHE

Here comes the good stuff. In unison both of you now need to take three deep breaths in and three breaths out. This does two things: 1) It takes time. Time enough to get the Oxytocin flowing and, 2) It allows the hug to squeeze naturally with every breath. You are going to notice a few things with every breath. The first breath you’ll be thinking, “this is ridiculous”. The second breath you’ll notice you are syncing with your huggee. By the third breath the rest of the world slips away and you’ll be lost in a warm, kind nest of your own creation.

4) RELEASE

This may seem like kind of a no-brainer, because you’re going to have to let go eventually. When you do, do it slowly. All those feel-good hormones you have just released can give you both a head rush. Not only that, but this isn’t the type of hug you can just… stop. It takes a moment.

There it is: The Ultra-Hug. Use your new-found power to its greatest effect. 

Lastly, Happy Thanksgiving. Say “hello” to your friends and family for me. I know this isn’t to your face, but please know I am so happy that you are in my life. I look forward to giving you a big hug (you have been warned).