ACCEPT JOY WHEN OFFERED BACK TO YOU
When you allow the other person’s desire to offer you joy to land cleanly, you are allowing that person to achieve what they set out to achieve - which is to make you happy.
A funny thing happened as I was finding happiness in the happiness of others - I also found that other people wanted to make me happy. What the what? It was weird. I thought I found the secret code to happiness and all the while other people were using it on me.
Why didn’t they tell me??!!
Well, maybe they didn’t know exactly what they were doing, but they were definitely finding happiness in the happiness of me. Actually we do this to each other all the time. A little compliment here, a kind gesture there… doing these little things makes the other person’s day a bit brighter, and you get that good-deed-done kinda feeling. It’s nice.
My secret sauce isn’t a secret at all. We all know that finding happiness in the happiness of others makes everyone involved feel good, it’s just that we don’t do it with intention. I mean, I guess we kinda do, but we don’t seek it out. When the opportunity presents itself, only then do we offer kindness. What I am suggesting is that we very deliberately, very purposely find moments to share happiness.
But I digress.
ALLOWING SOME GRACE
So, I would do my thing all the time (find happiness in others), without fully appreciating that others were doing it to me (finding happiness in me). When it did happen I would often brush it off, or downplay it by saying things like:
“You shouldn’t have.”
“No. You’re the one who looks fantastic.”
“What, this? I’ve had this shirt forever.”
Maybe all of those responses were true, but more importantly they were dismissive of the person’s intent. Someone was being kind to me and I would deny them the opportunity to be happy for making me happy. Here I was walking around trying to make everyone happy for my own selfish enjoyment and not letting anyone else do the same thing through me. I was a jerk! So I made a decision - a pact with myself and for others. I would accept kindness graciously.
THANK YOU
Try this: When someone offers you kindness, Do not try to deflect, diminish, or one up them with a greater kindness. Accept joy when it is offered back to you. The easiest and most effective way to do that, I have found, is with a deep and heartfelt “thank you.” Nothing complicated, showy, or intricate. Just… thank you.
When you allow the other person’s desire to offer you joy to land cleanly, you are allowing that person to achieve what they set out to achieve - which is to make you happy (which makes them feel good). Whatever they offered might not be a huge thing. It doesn’t have to be. Even a small kindness is a kindness. They add up.
THE MULTIPLIER
There is some math involved here: when you accept joy when it is offered back to you, not only are you happy because they just gave you joy, but you are also allowing the other person to feel good about themselves - to feel… happy. Oh, shit, here it comes. If you just made them happy (by accepting their joy), that, in turn, will make you happy (because you find happiness in the happiness of others).
You accept joy when it is offered to you.
+ The other person gains happiness.
+ You are happy for their happiness.
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= A metric buttload of happiness.
When we consciously seek happiness and accept happiness, happiness compounds.
Thus: