Making Sense Of Celsius

From ‘Hot As Balls’ to ‘Literally Freezing’: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Metric System (Kinda)

Mar 06, 2025

This article may be a little short and also off topic, but, as you might imagine, I have been a tad preoccupied as of late. Last week I wrote about a few of the things I’m excited about in this new expedition we are on. One of them was the weather. Well color me surprised because I am going to talk about that now.

I grew up in a time when all of America was going to change over from imperial measurements to metric. There was a push in 1975 (when I was 111) to teach us little shits all about how the metric system was superior to, or at least more logical than, whatever goofy-ass system we were using at the time. We spent a lot of time talking about how to convert inches to millimeters, gallons to liters, and Fahrenheit to Celsius. This was all great! The problem was, at 11 years old, I could barely conceptualize what an inch was, let alone convert it to some other abstract concept of measurement. Now, as a grown-ass man, I have been using inches all my life and have a very good understanding of what that means2. Back when I was a kid I had some vague amorphous idea of what an inch was, or what it was supposed to represent—I hadn’t been using it all that much yet. This was the perfect time to finesse this new system of measurement into my head, but they did it wrong. We’ll get to that later.

The only conversion that stuck with me was Celsius to Fahrenheit. Why? I don’t know. I have no idea how my brain works, I just roll with it. The conversion is:

(℃ x 2) + 32 = ℉3

Look at that! My brain retaining things for over 47 years. The problem with the conversion is that, up til now, every time I would see Celsius I would have to Play-Doh Pump the math through my frontal cortex before the number would register as anything meaningful. That’s not much of an issue when I could just wait until the bank sign switched to the next screen and show the same concept but in Fahrenheit. Now I live in a part of the world4 that doesn’t feel Fahrenheit is worth the effort5. I need to figure this thing out. What I have done is made the numbers more easily meaningful which helps my older-than-11-year-old brain to retain this crap. So…

0℃ = (0℃ x 2) + 32 = 32℉ = Literally Freezing
10℃ = (10℃ x 2) + 32 = 52℉ = Cool
20℃ = (20℃ x 2) + 32 = 72℉ = Pleasant
30℃ = (30℃ x 2) + 32 = 92℉ = Hot As Balls

Without the calculations and as a cheat sheet:

This is now information I can comprehend, retain, and, more importantly, act on quickly. This is where they failed me as an 11 year old kid. I don’t care about the conversion. I don’t want to know the math. Just give it to me in ways that are meaningful to me6.

FREEZING

The truth about living in Duluth, MN is Literally Freezing doesn’t mean it’s cold (necessarily). It is only truly cold when it gets below zero7. In fact, after it has been below zero, everything above zero feels downright balmy. This fact has Pavloved8 me to brace for a sharp sting across my face whenever I see a (-) before any temperature reading. Celsius throws a curveball; negative temperatures aren’t as negative a feeling as I was conditioned to prepare for. Consider:

-5℃ = (-5℃ x 2) + 32 = 22℉ = Not Nearly As Cold As I Thought It Would Be.

It doesn’t get Fucking Cold for a little bit yet:

-16℃ = (-16℃ x 2) + 32 = 0℉ = Okay, Now It’s Cold

This is an adjustment that has a direct impact on my long underwear usage and must be accounted for. Thankfully, here in Amsterdam, it never really gets there. My long underwear collection will be sold at auction.

MEANING TO THE MADNESS

Back in 1975, not being given useful rungs to grab onto, left us little shits grasping at the complications of converting abstract thoughts into other abstract thoughts. The whole thing was too much of an abstraction for it ever to have a chance to stick. What was (and still is) needed is information that is quickly useful without having to think about it. I know this because I need this very thing RIGHT NOW!

While living in Amsterdam I need to stop trying to do conversions in my head and make the actual information more relevant and, hopefully, fun. Consider:

When I’m cruising 120 kilometers per hour down the highway, I’m not testing the limits of the Honda I’ve rented. I’m simply driving the speed limit on the highway. It just sounds fast. FUN!
When I’m eating a 450 gram steak, I’m not trying to win a bet. I’m just eating a 16 ounce ribeye. It just sounds like a lot (it kinda is). FUN!

HAPPINESS

What has this got to do with happiness, you ask? Nothing really. As noted earlier, I’m all over the place this week and am not thinking clearly. But, if I had to say something to justify this piece, I might say:

Important information is only important when it is important to you.

Don’t overcomplicate the message if you want the message to stick.

Take either one. Or both. If it’s important to you, I am sure you will find a way to use it.

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I’m old!

Just ask my wife - ba dum bum, tiss!

This is not completely accurate. It is actually (℃ x 9/5) + 32 = ℉, but try calculating any number times 9/5 in your head. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

…Right. Multiply it by 2 and you’re close enough.

It could be literally anywhere else in the world.

I’m not complaining - they are speaking English for crying out loud.

And my wife - ba dum bum, tiss!

Duluthians know what I’m talking about.

NEW WORD ALERT: Pavloved (adjective) - Having trained yourself to associate a neutral stimulus with a reflexive response by repeatedly pairing the two stimuli together.