Kindness Is a Strength

Debunking the Myth That Kindness Is Weakness

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I recently read a thread here on the Stacks that was a little unnerving. I won’t link to it, because I don’t want to give it oxygen. The gist of it was that showing kindness is weakness and that kindness will and should be exploited, if only to show the kind-hearted how the “real world” works.

But, the real world doesn’t work that way.

The “real world” in fact works much the opposite. It is through kindness that much of the important work is actually accomplished. Jackwagons (as they have come to be known) should be routinely ignored and dismissed as untrustworthy, unhelpful, and a bit much. They are, by their own standards, weak.

I don’t do business with people who are unkind. I have fired employees for being unkind. Hell, I have fired clients for being unkind¹. This may not sound like I am being kind (at least to them), but it is damn kind to the people I am working with. Allow me to explain:

UNKINDNESS IS UNTRUSTWORTHY

Dealing with other people, whether it be professionally or personally, requires give and take. The best relationships are those that work together to create more value than the sum of its parts. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t do good business with bad people. They can’t be trusted. As soon as you think you have a win/win solution on your hands, the bastards will rip the rug out from you. It is almost as if it is more important for you to lose than for there to be even a remote whiff of you getting ahead - even if they also win. They believe your kindness is an invitation for bamboozlement rather than the request for collaboration that it is.

UNKINDNESS IS LAZY

Jackwagons will put forth the least amount of effort to get the maximum reward for themselves - the kind-hearted be damned. It is a point of pride for a jackwagon to let “the weak” do all of the work. Put two jackwagons in a room and watch them compete to do less work than the other. What’s worse: more than simply strive to do the least, they will complain when forced to do the bare minimum. No one complains more than a jackwagon asked to do their job. In their world the squeaky wheel deserves the grease. In my world the squeaky wheel gets replaced.

UNKINDNESS IS OVERBEARING

Jackwagons believe they are coming from a position of power - and that you will automatically agree to their position by virtue of your kindness. They will then make unreasonable demands based on this perceived imbalance of power. They are morons. All business (indeed all relationships) are based on a balance of haves and needs. Someone has what you need and they need what you have - whether that’s money, laughter, a widget, or time. Jackwagons place more value on their own needs and wants than they place on your wants and needs.

The fundamental flaws in the theory, or the underlying stupidity (if you prefer), of believing kindness is a weakness is: if you value untrustworthiness, who can you trust? If you value laziness, how can you build anything? If you don't value anything, what is it worth?

I am not suggesting you do not show these poor wretched mongrels people kindness. The "real world" they see is only a sliver of its potential. Pity them. And if you must deal with them, never trust them, be wary of what you let them do, and be skeptical of their offerings.

KINDNESS IS POWERFUL

The truth of the matter is kindness makes the word go ‘round. Being blind to it says less about the people being kind and more about the ignorance of those thinking they can or should exploit it.

As much as you can, do business with kindness, promote kindness, and seek out those who value your worth (regardless of what they think of their own). I have done so with great success. Check this out:

KINDNESS IS COOPERATIVE

When two people look out for each other’s best interests, they set themselves up for creating something greater than if they were acting alone. This kind of collaboration requires gobs of trust. It demands each to cheer for the other as if they were cheering for themselves. That isn’t weakness. That’s teamwork. When everybody works with each other and for each other, magic happens. Any one person who acts to take advantage of everyone else’s kindness is poison to the group.

KINDNESS IS PURPOSEFUL

People who are kind, in my experience, are more apt to put their head down and get to the task at hand - regardless of how unpleasant. They have a certain, “bitching about it isn’t going to accomplish anything” attitude that rings not merely of aptitude but fortitude. More than just that though, because they do the work, they can see and appreciate how a particular process might be improved upon. Their opinion is more highly regarded than someone who thinks the job sucks so devises ways to lessen their burden, or worse, put it on someone else.

In this world the squeaky wheel doesn’t get the grease. The kind ones are the grease.

KINDNESS IS APPRECIATIVE

People who are kind immediately approach others from a level playing field. Nothing is assumed but the understanding that together there can be nothing but a value-add to all involved. Regardless of perceived starting position, the wants and needs of all involved are valued not against each other but realistically on their own merits. Similarly, in a work environment, kindness allows praise to be heaped on those most deserving without envy. Jackwagons are incapable of such magnanimity.

Keeping your word is kindness. Working toward a common goal is kindness. Cheering for another's success is kindness.

Anyone who believes otherwise needs to, politely, get the fuck out of the way.

So, what do you think: Kindness is for suckers, or kindness wins the day?

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ARTICLES REFERENCED

Don’t Be A Jackwagon

The Virtuous Spiral Of Happiness

Happiness Must Be Reciprocal

The Art Of Working Together

Envy Is The Opposite Of Happiness

1. Firing a client is one of the most satisfying things you can ever do.