The Reaction Paradox
You cannot control what happens to you, only your reaction to it, yet by controlling your reaction you control what happens.
You cannot control what happens to you, only your reaction to it. We all have heard that philosophy spouted in one form or another. It has been said, variously, by stoics1, philosophers2, the Dalai Lama3, and your mother (probably)4.
Even I blather on about it endlessly. Life is Chaotic and Life Is How You React To It and so on and so forth. But the statement can seem a little fatalistic, as if to say that life is going to bombard you with random shit and the best you can do is smile and take it. That is not the vibe that this concept is meant to exude. What it is supposed to mean, or at least how I understand it, is that life gets far easier when you take control of what you can control regardless of what life throws at you. The only thing you can control is your reaction and when you take control of your reaction you exert influence on what is happening.
REACTION SATISFACTION
It is true the chaos of the world is uncontrollable and surprising. That’s its whole schtick. But your reaction controls what happens going forward from whatever has happened and, as such, has direct consequence to how things play out.
It’s like when you are driving a car and someone cuts you off. You jam on the brakes to avoid crashing into them. You certainly couldn't control the driver cutting you off, but your reaction affected what happened after that. They cut you off, and yet you didn’t rear end the moron. If you didn’t react, or reacted poorly (like speeding up), the outcome of the event would have surely been different. How you reacted to what happened controlled what happened.
In that same way your reaction to anything that happens shapes what happens next. And if you can shape what happens next, then what just happened is way less chaotic than it might have been. In a very real way your reaction controls what happens.
I would like to submit to this committee an addendum to the original philosophical statement:
…yet by controlling your reaction you control what happens.
Therefore the entire philosophy will henceforth read:
You cannot control what happens to you, only your reaction to it, yet by controlling your reaction you control what happens.
I call it “The Reaction Paradox”. Thank you for your kind consideration. I look forward to seeing what happens.
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“Vex not thy spirit at the course of things; they heed not thy vexation. How ludicrous and outlandish is astonishment at anything that may happen in life.” - Marcus Aurelius
I have this quotation tattooed on my person.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Viktor Frankl
“Although you may not always be able to avoid difficult situations, you can modify the extent to which you can suffer by how you choose to respond to the situation.” - The 14th Dalai Lama
Your mother was not available for comment.